just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
