it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
