I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
