Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
