As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
