i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
