FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
