if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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