Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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