why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
