Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I love you.
Bad choice
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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