I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
