Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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