This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
