Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
