Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
