EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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