I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
