...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
