You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
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