The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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