Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
