U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
