New invention idea: vibrating tampons
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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