you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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