Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
