I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
