Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
