I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
