there's paper in my vomit.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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