Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
