i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
