you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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