Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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