I am spending my child support on dildos
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
