It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
