ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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