just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
