So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
