Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
People in love make me want to vomit
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
