i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
