at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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