i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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