shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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