just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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