You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
