Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
