i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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