Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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