i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
