theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize