you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
