Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
