seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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