I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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