Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
