OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize