Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
