She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
