my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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