If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
