Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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