I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
