the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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