happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
