i just sent this text using only my big toe
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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